Review – Sqweel 2
The Sqweel 2, made by Lovehoney themselves, is touted as the “world’s best-selling oral sex toy”. Of course, apart from its predecessor, the Sqweel, I can’t think of another “oral sex toy”, but that’s probably besides the point. What the point is, is that this isn’t quite your average vibrator. In fact, you can’t really call it a vibrator at all.
The Sqweel 2 is basically a series of ten inch-long flexible silicone tongues arranged like soft Stegosaurus spines on a wheel, a wheel which then rotates at various speeds to produce a sort of lapping sensation, supposedly like oral sex. But let’s be honest here, whether it’s that much like oral sex (a bit, not really) isn’t really important, does it make me feel good? We shall see.
The toy comes in a plastic insert inside a light cardboard box with an open front. Inside is an instruction booklet in several languages and the Sqweel 2 itself. The box is unnecessary for storage really, as the toy comes with a lid and is fairly self-contained. The only thing you might want to worry about is it turning itself on accidentally, which it does very easily. Not a travel toy unless you first remove the batteries. The Sqweel 2 itself is about five inches tall and about four and a half across with a depth of around two inches. So it’s pretty bulky for a clit toy. In fact, it’s about the size of my open palm.
There is a battery case on the back which takes two AAAs and on the front are two buttons and a cover with a slide lock. The soft tongue wheel is protected by a see-through pink plastic lid which comes off to allow access to the tongues. The main plastic of the case comes in either glossy white or glossy black. I have the white version and I have to say it looks pretty stylish in a girly but not too girly way. It actually reminds me of the Phoenix armour from Mass Effect, for any nerds out there.
The toy has three speeds: slow, medium and fast. And three modes: normal, reverse and flicker (which alternates between back and forth). All the speeds work with all the rotation modes. The two buttons on the front, which light up blue when the toy is on for a nice touch, control the speed and spin. What I think is great is that the speed button (the “play” symbol) is bigger and more central, as I’m a no-frills girl. I almost always prefer straight up power and no fuss than messing about with patterns. You press “play” to start and again to cycle through the speeds, while mode button cycles through the rotation modes. Simple. To turn the Sqweel 2 back off, you have to press and hold the “play” button for about two seconds.
Above the buttons there is a slide lock, which unlocks the front cover of the Sqweel 2, allowing you to take it off and remove the tongue wheel for cleaning. Since the toy is ABS plastic and silicone, it’s safe as well as easy to clean in terms of materials, though it’s not waterproof. There are some nooks and crannies to watch for, especially given the relative lubeyness of using the Sqweel 2, but it’s relatively easy work.
One thing I really like about this toy is the layout and functions of various buttons and locks. It looks good and it’s simple and easy to use. Though the toy does have some design problems for me (which I’ll go into in a sec), this part of it seems well-designed and not over-thought.
The Sqweel 2 is an odd beast to wrangle. It’s unlike any toy I’ve ever tried before and so I didn’t know what to expect, despite trying out the original on my fingers back at Eroticon. Besides which, I knew the original was a toy which divided opinions, so I wasn’t sure if I’d like the Sqweel 2 or not. It pleasantly surprised me, but was by no means without fault.
To use the Sqweel 2, you need a good bit of lube between your clitoris and the tongue wheel. Trust me, without lube is not a good idea unless you’re a fan of pain. So, lube is needed, but it’s a bit hard at first to know how to go about that. On my first go, I unwittingly poured far too much on and created a lubey mess. I thought it’d be a good idea to slowly spin the tongue-blades while I drizzled lube on them. While it didn’t go as badly as it could have (lubesplosion!), I didn’t realise how much I was putting on and ended up with a puddle in the bottom of the case under the tongues, which proceeded to leak onto my nethers and the bed when I tipped it up for use. Ick.
On my second go I used too little lube, or rather it dried up over time, and ended up with rather a lot of friction on my clit. I was coming at the time, so I didn’t mind, but when I finished: oh, my God. Ow. My clit was incredibly painful and sore. I don’t think I’ve ever been that sore before, so do please watch out for that. To be honest, I’m not sure I like the idea of a toy where it’s so easy to fuck up. It seems easy to use either too much or too little lube and, although I got better at gauging it over time, I just don’t like that it can go so badly. It’s all a lot of faff for an orgasm, especially when I don’t use lube at all when I’m focusing on my clit normally.
What makes it worse is that the Sqweel 2 is often incredibly hard to grip when lubey, which means you need to be even more careful how you lube it. The case is just far too slippery when wet and hard to grip. It could really do with textured or grooved areas to grip along the inwards curves at the side. Though it does have a few dents that mimic the shape of the tongues, I don’t think these are made for holding as they’re in a really awkward place for that. It makes the toy a bit of a two-hander, which can be really inconvenient, and I’ve struggled not to drop it a few times.
Of course, being a two-hander doesn’t affect this toy as much as it could as the sheer bulk and awkwardness of it makes it pretty clunky to use a dildo in me or anything like that anyway. It can be done, but it’s a bit awkward and just not worth the hassle. As well as clunky, it’s not exactly discreet either, though not stupidly loud. It could be heard through my door on medium and high speeds and on high flicker, but you could probably use music easily to cover it.
What about how it feels? Well, like I say, I was pleasantly surprised. It feels pretty cool! The tongues lap in a sort of soft-but-firm way and sort of brush past your skin using only the top half a centimetre or so of their surface. It’s an interesting sensation and hard to describe, sort of a cross between oral sex and actual vibration, like a gentle flicking. The reverse setting makes the tongue-blades spin in, well, reverse and seems to provide a slightly rougher, slightly more intense feel to the flicking. The speeds range from a fast kind of slow to a slow kind of fast, though I personally thought an extra speed at the top end would have been nice. But I always think that. I find the “flicker” back and forth mode pretty eh, preferring a steady and continuous feeling. But I always think that too.
The main issue that I think will divide people on the Sqweel 2 (as with the Sqweel) is that you’ve got to be OK with not squeezing it against yourself or really putting any pressure on at all. The rotation just can’t cope with resistance very well, which is a shame, and the wheel will either slow down or stop entirely. If you need pressure on your clit, back away now. I love pressure on my clit and find it’s a natural instinct the more into it I get, but I managed to control myself here and it worked out pretty well. It’s a slow build-up every time I’ve used the Sqweel 2 and it doesn’t always pay off for me. It feels great, but sometimes frustrating. It won’t make me come every time and I’m not always in the mood for “the journey”.
So, to Sqweel or not to Sqweel? Well, for me the Sqweel 2 is a bit of a conundrum. I want to like it, I’m just not certain I do. It’s innovative, it shows a lot of improvement from what I’ve read over the original, it’s stylish and fun and brings something different to the bedroom. But that’s perhaps the root of my problem. I like it because it’s something different, a unique sensation, and I don’t like it for the same reasons. It’s a very interesting toy with a unique sensation that is worth a try if you like different things, but it’s just a bit too much effort and faff for me to use often.
I want to love it for offering me something truly different from my usual fare, but it’s too unreliable for me. It’s hard to lube to the right amount, it’s hard to use because you have to not use too much pressure, it’s hard work because the sensations are very subtle and it therefore takes a lot of work to make me come. It just doesn’t make me come often enough. It’s not so much a fun ride. I’ll give it points for offering something unique and I’m sure I’ll experiment with it further, but it’s not good or orgasmic enough to become a toybox staple and the amount of effort involved for me in using it just puts me right off.
That said, if you’re bored of the everyday and want to try something different, this will certainly provide that for you. And good different too. Just not great. You can get the Sqweel 2 here from Lovehoney. ♦